are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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