Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
