Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
