she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
