Define "chronic" masturbator.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
