I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
