I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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