I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
