sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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