Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want nice things and good sex
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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