I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
