don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
