So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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