so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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