Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
