she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
