After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
