i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
someone owes me an orgasm
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
