I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
