Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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