Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
