So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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