yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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