My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
