i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
