At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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