Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
