her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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