that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
