So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
