This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
