I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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