she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
