Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
