Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
