matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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