Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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