Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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