I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
