last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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