At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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