so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
