Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
