sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
