Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
