I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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