I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
