is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
