I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
