the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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